i got the blues

so the other night i could not sleep at all. i woke up at 4 am and just laid in bed and let my mind just wander. what a horrible idea. first my thoughts turned to school and everything that i needed to accomplish that day. then my thoughts turned to my family and how close i was to being back home with them. then my thoughts finally turned to the inevitable...boys. of course. my best friend is leaving for his mission on january 25th and i'm an emotional wreck. all i want to do is spend every waking moment with him. basically in two weeks i'll be saying bye to him for TWO YEARS and the people of honduras will love him like crazy. i can't even fathom life without him and quite frankly i would rather have anything else but this happen, if i could marry him right this second i would. don't get me wrong, i'm super excited for him to go because it's what he should be doing and he's going to make the perfect missionary. i'm just super scared for what could happen within those two years. i know that's a dumb reason to be upset over this. he's always been here for me and i don't know who i'm going to call up for help or advice or just to have a buddy or who i'll cuddle with now. even though we fight a lot and tend to bug the heck out of each other, i really do love him to death. i've known him for about a year now and yeah we've spent time apart. like breaks and summer, but two years? that's a dang long time. i'll be a senior when he comes back and am going to be getting ready to graduate and maybe i'll be engaged or married or single. who knows. and that's what scares me. i would love to just have these two years go by super fast and have me be so wrapped up in school, that i won't socialize with any boys. but i know myself better than that. i know i'm going to flirt and like other people. which is a good thing right? what if i meet someone better for me than he is? than that would mean there's someone out there who's better for him than i am. we'll just have to wait and see. anxiety attacks galore. i miss him already and he isn't even gone yet. how sad.